I’m definitely feeling it. It seems like just the normal kind though. I just mostly feel a little useless. Kind of don’t know what to do with myself. I’m still playing WoW and what not, but I just feel like I should be doing more. I know I’m sustaining a life, but she sleeps so much and when she is awake, she’s quite often crying inconsolably. I find myself feeding her just because I know it will make her stop crying. I feel so useless because I can’t make her better.
Part of me wonders if she would even care if I were here. I mean, if she had a boob to suck on and someone to change her diaper, would she even notice if I were gone. They talk about the baby liking the sound of your voice from hearing it in the womb, but I wonder if she feels any attachment to me what’s so ever.
I also miss Curtis a lot of the time. Even when he’s here. I’m not quite sure what I pictured that it would be like, but I thought that I would be so much happier when I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I am happy, but things are different of course. I don’t have time that I can just cuddle with him. Luckily Curtis’s parents are willing to watch her while we take long showers. I like our showers.
I’m hoping all this will eventually pass. I know it will. I have appointments made with Dr. Newbold so I can talk about things. Not for a couple more weeks though. I’ll be fine until then.