Terrified of Two

12 Weeks 3 Days

Some days I wonder what I got myself into.

The other day we were hanging out with one of Peanut’s friends who has a little sister. While they were playing in the pool together, I was sneaking looks at the 6 month old sitting on her mama’s lap. Cutesie little girl smiles at you every time you smile at her. I was thinking about how easy and lovely little babies are and fantasizing about Twig and what he/she will be like. Then her mama asked me if I could hold her while she got stuff into the car. Then she started crying. I felt helpless and had no idea what to do. Even though I have had a baby that small before, it suddenly felt so foreign to me. How do I deal with a child that’s not big enough to tell me what’s wrong? I eventually started playing with her until she was happy-ish again, but it still made me wonder.

How do I go back to step one? How do I deal with a baby that just cries? How do I do this while still giving my toddler the love and attention she deserves? And I am officially terrified. Please tell me where to go from here.

I am now 12 weeks and 3 days along. Just a few more days until the second trimester. Just over 6 months until the baby is here. Wow. Other than freaking out about the prospect of becoming a family of four, things are getting better.

I have a bit more energy. I still nap with Peanut some days and I still go to bed early some days, but I’m not spending all of my free time sleeping anymore. I actually accomplish things now and that makes me a much happier person. I actually had a thoroughly clean house last week (though after this long weekend, the dishes and laundry sorely need some help).

I am developing some new symptoms, but luckily it’s not anything too annoying. Weirdly the books say that I shouldn’t need to pee as often now that my uterus is moving upward, but now is when my body has decided it need to pee. And it needs to pee now. Then, of course, it’s just a trickle. I think it’s my body messing with me.

Then I am incredibly thirsty All. Of. The. Time. I think I drank more than my total of 8 glasses of water today by a factor of one-and-a-half on top of drinking other fluids. I wish I still had the big cup that they gave me at the hospital when Peanut was born. That thing was great for sitting around just drinking tons of water. For now, my Kleen Kanteen is doing fine. Maybe after my 21-day challenge is up I’ll look into buying a new big cup (or possibly I can just go search my mother’s house for one).

Lastly, sudden nausea during the last bite of eating my food. Even when it’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted 30 seconds before that nausea, I just can’t eat it. Or sometimes I can’t eat more than half of what’s on my plate. Or sometimes I just can’t eat a food. Or sometimes I can only eat one food. None of it makes sense. What kills me is that if it’s something incredibly unhealthy for me, I can eat a ton (e.g. cookies), but if it’s something I should actually be eating I can’t eat it (e.g. the delicious Chinese food I made the other night).


8 thoughts on “Terrified of Two

  1. After having a second baby just 15 months after the first I can tell you that it’s hard but well worth it! It’s scary but once the baby is here you’ll just fall in to the new rhythm of your new life! After having two kids I’ve really learned to let go, so what if my house isn’t spotless or my laundry is over flowing. My kids are happy, healthy, and well taken care of! Que sera, sera! You don’t realize it now but, you have everything you need to handle two kids!
    1. Daddy
    2. Baby sling
    3. Boobs. (Most important)

    Gratz on the new baby!

  2. All babies are harder when their mom is not around. You having a hard time with your friend’s 6mo was because of those two words: Your Friend’s. Your baby will be your baby and you will grow with her/him as you parent her/him. By the time he/she is six months you will know them so well you won’t need to think to comfort them.

    And then they get teeth, and all bets are off.

    A harder challenge for me was parenting my older son after I brought the new baby home. All I wanted to do was cuddle her and nurse a lot, and he was climbing on my lap, arguing with me about which boob was his and which was his sister’s, throwing temper tantrums, and regressing to diapers in his potty training.

    Now that the “baby” is 15mo, they play together, and fight, and I don’t remember what our life was like with just one, or even no kids.

  3. i was horrified until i actually had her here, 🙂 even then i had a bit of PPD and was overwhelmed. denny helps a lot, especially when they drive me insane. 😛 you can do it!

  4. OMG, I was so scared to have 2! I knew I always wanted 2 but didn’t know how I was going to do it. Jules cried pretty much every night from 7-10pm give or take from 2wks old-3mo old! I thought I would loose it. She got over it and is now super happy. During that time, luckily, Gretta was sleeping.
    Anyway, I my MIL come to stay with us for the first 2 weeks post and then my mother for another 2 weeks or so. That was a HUGE help! When they both left I was in tears watching them leave not sure how I was going to handle with new life with 2.
    What we did that worked: I set up a pool in our yard for Gretta to play with while Jules slept/nursed all day and it was so hot out that she didn’t to do anything else. I tried to invite people over to play and chat with at my house because leaving with 2 was too hard at that point unless I really had to or we went for a walk. It got easier when they both got bigger, now it’s a piece of cake 🙂
    If I did go out, I tried to do it with another mother, someone that could keep me encouraged to go out and could maybe hold the baby if I had to pee! We just kept close to home for the first 3 months unless I was with my husband of course!

    So, it’s hard at first, I’m not going to lie but I was really proud of myself when we did go out and I managed everything ok. Just have limited goals, like feeding everyone, napping and playing. Also, I did as much grocery shopping at night so I could go alone. I still do that as much as I can 🙂

    You will do it and you will TOTALLY remember how to take care of a crying newborn. You still have 2 breasts right and a sling? Limited goals…

  5. That terrifies me as well! I feel so much anxiety about the same thing and we aren’t even going to be pregnant for a bit. I am a control freak and I keep myself semi-sane by having a spotless house and not having tons of chores piling up but that just causes a whole other kind of stress. I know with two kids my house will not even come close to being perfectly clean. I also worry about being able to give my daughter the love and attention she needs while taking care of a demanding new born. I just keep telling myself that tons of moms do just fine once they get into a rhythm so I hope I can do the same.

    • Some days the fact that other moms survive it (and more!) is the only thing that keeps me kicking myself for making this decision. 😛

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