The Art of Not Knowing

17 weeks 5 days

We live in an age of entitlement.

We want it now. We do not wait. No pleasure is stemmed from patience. When someone comments on our Facebook status, our smart phones tell us immediately. When you want to go buy a new rug, you don’t save up for it, you buy it on credit. When you want to know the sex of your baby, you just get an ultrasound and voila, you know.

It hasn’t always been this way.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if I could be pregnant with twins. Last time around, it wasn’t even a thought in my head because I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks that showed one lovely beating heart. While early ultrasounds don’t always catch the second twin, my second one at around 19 weeks most certainly would have. Beyond that, wasn’t in any of the groups that increased my chances of twins nor did my symptom-free first trimester give me any reason to suspect.

This time around, it’s been a bit different. First off, I haven’t seen Twig on any sort of monitor. I’ve listened to the heartbeat once (to put my mind at ease that there is indeed a baby in there). I’ve also had a lot more symptoms than last time, am absolutely huge, I feel like I have an octopus in my belly, and I was breastfeeding when I conceived (did you know that increases the chances of twins? I certainly didn’t). So I’ve been wondering. Alright, maybe even worrying.

I know all these things I’ve described can easily be a singleton pregnancy. Regardless, I have that nagging worry in my mind that it could be twins.

I asked one of my friends who knows a lot about pregnancy what she thought. Basically she said that it could go either way, but in the course of the conversation something occurred to me–why do I want to know? Why is it so important that I find out this second if it’s twins? It’s not.

I spoke to my midwife and she basically said that it should be obvious if I’m pregnant with twins. Beyond twenty weeks, she said most twin pregnancies start shooting up in weight and fundal height. In that case, she’ll recommend an ultrasound and that’ll confirm or deny the suspicion. If it turns out to be twins I can still birth naturally and at home, which is what I would choose regardless.

So there’s no point in knowing now. I’ll know soon enough and it won’t change a thing that I know a bit later. I don’t need to worry about it and I don’t need to stress. I’ll just continue doing what I’m doing and within the next few months it’ll become apparent one way or the other. I can deal with delayed satisfaction. I can wait.

I am now 17 weeks and 5 days. Still super thirsty, but carrying around the big jug of water deals with that. I have a couple of skin tags and that’s super weird. Round ligament pain is getting worse. Lots of walking almost always brings it on now. Really, lots of walking in the hot hot sun makes me feel really exhausted really quick. I feel like I could sit around all day and be happy.

Twig is still wiggling like crazy. Sometimes it’s a couple of days between movement, but then I’ll feel like I have an octopus in my belly for 20 minutes out of nowhere. Honestly, the days between might just be particularly busy ones, so maybe I just don’t sit still long enough to feel the movement. 😛

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3 thoughts on “The Art of Not Knowing

  1. You also tend to get bigger with subsequent pregnancies, because you muscles have already stretched out once, so they do it more easily. Is that really true about breastfeeding increasing the likelihood of twins? It totally sounds like one of those pregnancy old wives tales.

  2. Okay, I have to admit that I have also wondered if you are having twins. Partly because that was my experience, a toddler, and twins spontaneously showing up for my second pregnancy. My twin pregnancy was like the first pregnancy, only every single symptom/typical stage of pregnancy was magnified! The sickness was worse, weight gain was very similar for the first 4-5 months.

    I had an ultrasound at 15 weeks to date my pregnancy, as I had irregular cycles, and that is when we found out it was twins. However, once I could feel them move, I would have had no doubt. Both would wiggle and kick at the same time, on different sides of my stomach.

    Unfortunately, in my part of Canada, twin pregnancy means high risk, so I was required to have an epi if I wanted vaginal childbirth, which I was very bitter about. And homebirths are out of the question with twins here. But both my babies went breech when my water broke, so I ended up with an emergency C-section anyways.

    I’m sure you’ll enjoy however many children you carry. 🙂 And nursing twins is not that much harder than nursing one. Especially if you’ve had one nursling before.

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