I spent a lot of my first pregnancy hating the way that I looked.
Feeling fat even though I knew I should be celebrating the fact that I was growing life inside me. Feeling un-sexy regardless of knowing my husband still found me desirable. Feeling disgusting rather than relishing in the changes my body was making. It saddens me that I look back at that wonderful time and remember it through my old eyes as a stressful and shameful time.
I know it’s not that way for every pregnant woman. I have a long history of hating my body and weight, which made it that much more difficult to deal with the changes I was going through. I do think that most pregnant women feel this way at least a little though, which is sad. It’s sad that society has pressured us all so much to be skinny and perfect that we can’t enjoy such a short and wonderful time in life when we take on different curves that are the tell-tale sign of a new life.
So this time around, I vowed to celebrate my new curves. I vowed to love this body and everything that is happening to it. The acne, the sometimes greasy hair, the linea nigra, the stretch marks, and of course, the big belly. Part of this, of course, is taking my pregnancy photos–something I started doing immediately after I found out I was pregnant even though I knew it was just bloated tummy I was taking a picture of (and even earlier than that, my belly that people had mistaken as pregnant in the past when I was not). Part of what I love about my weekly photos is the variety. At first, I thought I needed to “get pretty” before each photo. Then one day I needed to take my photo, but I didn’t want to put on make-up and do my hair, so I just took it as I was. I love that picture just as much as the rest. The same goes for today’s picture in which I’m lounging around the house with my family. I love that my weekly photos can show not only the growing belly, but also the workings of my day-to-day life during my pregnancy.
I’m also working on my daily attitude. Loving not only the baby inside, but the belly too. This belly represents a type of bond that I only get to experience once in this child’s lifetime. This belly is large, round, and beautiful. This belly is not an excuse to eat whatever I want because I’m fat anyway. I am not fat. I am pregnant.
I also plan on getting professional maternity photos done, which will include at least some photos with a naked belly. Even if don’t like showing skin and I don’t post those photos on the blog or display them in my house, I’ll still love them 20 years from now when my babies are no longer babies. Who knows, maybe I’ll love them so much you’ll all get to see.
I am 26 weeks 0 days pregnant. I’m finally starting to get some cravings. Last week I really wanted a specific sandwich from a specific restaurant I went to a few weeks earlier, regardless of the fact that I had already eaten lunch. I happily ate my whole second lunch. I’ve also really been loving pickles. No, not with ice cream. Just pickles all by themselves. Mmm…
Peanut is really loving my belly lately. Before I would ask her if she wanted to kiss my belly or tell the baby she loves him/her and she would happily oblige. Now she just randomly decides she wanted to give the baby an eskimo kiss or tell him/her about her day at preschool. She also told me that, while she says it’s a brother, his name will be Sister.