Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m a really horrible mother.
I don’t say this to gain sympathy from you. Trust me, words on consolation are far from what I need right now. I’m just giving you perspective to where I’m at right now.
Half the time I can’t stand my kids. This is where I want to be in life and I want to be at home watching my children grow. I want to be that directly involved. I’m happy to be done with school for the summer and get some time with them without homework looming over my head, but it also opens a whole new can of worms. We’re together all day every day. I know I’m a stay at home mom in most senses of the term, but not in that piece that pulls it all together. In going to school, even online, I always have another goal and a specific purpose to get away. It makes life more stressful because there’s more on my plate, but it also gives me a small respite of time to be an adult.
Now that we’ve been out for nearly a month, both myself and Peanut, we’re getting on each other’s nerves. And Twig too. It’s a hard age, for me at least, when they’re so mobile and yet so emotionally immature. And needy.
I yell, a lot. I don’t want to, but it somehow keeps happening. I used to be upset at myself for yelling at Peanut once a week, but now it’s nearly a daily occurrence. I do stop at the point of being physical anywhere beyond taking her in her room and not-very-nicely dropping her onto her bed, so I guess that’s something. And I’m working on not yelling, so I guess that’s something too.
I just spend so much of my day waiting for it to be over. For that little bit of me time after they go to bed, which often extends beyond what it should and surely effects my mood in the morning from the lack of sleep. I don’t particularly like getting down on the ground and playing with the girls. I get really tired of the endless imaginative games after only a few minutes. I often feel stretched to my limit at what should ordinarily be every day tasks. This shouldn’t be how I feel.
These feelings are part of the reason I’m so excited about the Mindful Parenting eBundle I shared with you all last week. I’m hoping to use these resources to get back my perspective. Like the eBooks Mindset for Moms and Nurturing Creativity: A Guide for Busy Moms. I really, really need this right now. I need to remind myself that there are glorious things happening in my everyday life. I need to remember how to appreciate my children at the ages they’re at right now. I need to get myself into a good mindset before I start school in the fall. I hope you’ll join me in ordering this eBundle for not only these wonderful resources, but all of the other ones too. It’s really a great value and I’m excited to start reading and get myself back on track.