Tag Archives: Breastfeeding

An Ode to Kellymom

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about websites that helped you in your breastfeeding journey. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!
 

 

As I’m sure you all know, the early days of nursing are full of late nights and lots of questions. When Peanut was a baby, these two things often coincided. This can be a problem when you want answers now (I’m horribly impatient) and everyone else in the world is asleep.

So I looked on the internet.

I’m far from the first mom who has used the internet as her primary source of information in the early days of nursing. Back in these days I didn’t know anyone who had nursed long-term and I didn’t have any breastfeeding books (like the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which is now my go-to). I would ask questions at La Leche League meetings, but calling a leader felt too foreign to me. So the internet became my breastfeeding helper.

IMG_0272The problem is that so many sites are promoting information that is outdated, biased, or just plain wrong. It’s so hard for a new mama to not fall trap to one of these sites giving bad information. Actually, that’s a big reason why I started this blog.

When I went searching for an answer to one of my frequent questions, I stumbled upon Kellymom. I fell in love with the site immediately. Not only is virtually every breastfeeding scenario I can come up with discussed, but this site is chock full of citations. The site doesn’t just tell you the right way to do things, it tells you why it’s right.

So Kellymom became my number one place to search out breastfeeding answers. Forget Googling, I’ll Kellymom it. And Kellymom has never let me down. Over the years I’ve added some other trustworthy sources, such as The Womanly Art and the LLL website, but Kellymom is still my go to.

These days, with almost four and a half years of straight nursing under my belt, I have a lot of friends who come to me with questions. I love that I’m a person people can turn to. Often, these questions are over Facebook, which means I’m answering them online. Almost every time I answer a question, there’s a link (or two!) to Kellymom. It’s just such a great resource!

I’m happy to be spreading the word about Kellymom. Hopefully my shouts about this amazing site will reach someone who hasn’t found their trustworthy site yet and save them some grief. I know its certainly helped me on my journey.

 

 
Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

How I Weaned My Toddler Suddenly and Gently

One of the last pictures I have of Peanut nursing is while getting kicked in the face.

Peanut is weaned. It’s actually been a two months since she nursed.

I’ve flip flopped back and forth about this decision about a dozen times. I felt so certain that we would wean that I wrote a post about it. Felt so certain I’d made the wrong decision that I wrote another. In the end, I was feeling more resentful by the day. More resentful by the nursing session. I was beginning to really not want to be around my daughter.

It was our time to stop.

I think a big part of my problem was trying to play within the rules. Everything I’ve read has highly discouraged sudden weaning. Do it slowly and gently. In a way, we did do that. It’s taken us almost 3 years to fully wean, considering that she started having something besides my milk at 6 months. I’d call that very gradual.

It’s just this last step that’s been sudden, and that’s okay. We tried all of the delaying and shortening ways to wean and she just fought it. She’d get more and more upset that I was denying her and I’d get more and more resentful that she was upset. It was a downward spiral.

In the beginning, she still asked to nurse, especially when Twig was nursing. Generally though, her need was satisfied with some cuddles or table food. More the latter, actually, which I didn’t expect. We also talked about it a lot. I hate the term “big girl” so we steered clear of that, but we talked about how old she is and how when you grow up, you don’t drink mama milk anymore. We talked about people who are older than her who don’t nurse, like her friends and family members. Even Mama and Daddy.

There were times where she would get upset. She’d ask me “Mama milk for just one hour?” It was heartbreaking, but I didn’t want to take a step back. Though I did end up having her nurse a few times when she was really sick (of course, she didn’t vomit for the first time until about a week after she weaned). When she would get upset, I held her close and we talk about how it’s hard to give up mama milk and mama loves her so much. We cuddled and read books. We would get her a special treat.

Amazingly, it went pretty smoothly. There were those rough spots where she got upset, but they were actually not that common. Even when she did get upset, it wasn’t that upset. We just talked and cuddled and she was okay. There was an immediate relief for me where I felt more able to handle her being upset. Like the irritation of her constantly asking to nurse until I finally give in was over, so I could just focus on helping her through the way she feels.

There were rough spots for me too, but my husband, along with my awesome Twitter friends, have been a wonderful help. Even those who are doing child-led weaning tried their best to support and help me. And I’m amazed at how many of them have been in my situation. It feels like weaning is such a taboo topic in the breastfeeding world. I had no idea how many other moms have pushed it along too, even some ending it suddenly like me.

I miss nursing Peanut. Over the first week, I cried about it multiple times. It just feels like she’s so much bigger now. I will always miss that closeness. It’s like the end of an era. But this was the right choice to make. We’re both happier now, even if it does get tough sometimes. I’m finding new ways to connect with her and I’m actually enjoying her more.

So while some may say that weaning suddenly isn’t gentle, I think otherwise. I think that you can wean your child suddenly and with love. It’s alright to take that last step if it’s what you need. You can wean suddenly and gently.

How did your weaning story go? Were you planning on child-led weaning and ended up doing otherwise? Or did you stick with your original plan? Were there any hiccups? 

Why I Don’t Use Pacifiers

Peanut clearly did not understand the use of a pacifier.

First off, I want to start this post by saying that deciding whether or not you use a pacifier is a very personal choice. I believe that in order to make a choice, you must be educated. If you read this information and decide you would still like to use a pacifier, I’m all for it. For me, this is the information that made me decide not to use one. 

Pacifiers. They’re a symbol of babyhood, just as much as bottles or diapers. I honestly can’t come up with a parent-friend off the top of my head that doesn’t use them, but that might just be because minds don’t really remember the lack of something as much as it being there. Anyway, I thought I’d use pacifiers when I had Peanut. She wanted to nurse so often that I was begging for relief and I tried to give her one at around 2 weeks old (which is way before recommended, by the way) with the justification in my mind that breastfeeding was going great, so why wait to introduce it? She did not like that thing one bit. My mother-in-law even bought a few different ones to try, but she never caught on.

Part of me was sad that I couldn’t have a different way to soothe her and part of me was happy that she wouldn’t take anything but me. Soon though, the latter really took hold. I found out the risks of pacifiers and decided that my future children would never have one.

So, in order to help you people out in internet-land make an educated decision when it comes to whether or not you want to use pacifiers, here is my list of reasons why I specifically said no pacifiers for Twig and thanked the universe that Peanut decided she wasn’t for them.

  • Pacifiers can interfere with breastfeeding. Nipple confusion is a real thing. Any sort of nipple can do it, bottle or pacifier. The fact is that a breast and a pacifier are shaped differently, no matter how hard they try to make a pacifier imitate a breast. Really, if you think about it, a pacifier is shaped like a really big nipple. If you’ve ever had a baby with a bad latch, you can attest that the nipple is the last place you want that baby latching on. Babe needs the whole aerola in their mouth, which is an entirely different shape. If you introduce a pacifier too early, your baby will learn to suck on that shape, which can most definitely cause breastfeeding problems.
  • Pacifiers can reduce the duration of breastfeeding. Even eliminating all other possible factors (right down to bottle introduction), pacifiers reduce the duration of breastfeeding. And it’s not just that your what-would-have-been 4 year old weaner is at 3 years old, but rather under 2. That means you’re not making it to the WHO recommendation of at least 2 years. For me, that’s too early to wean.
  • Pacifiers are not compatible with ecological breastfeeding. I try to stick with the seven steps of ecological breastfeeding, though I often don’t get the nap that I should. Regardless, if you’re trying to delay menstruation returning, nipple stimulation is key. 24 hours a day and frequently. Introducing a pacifier means that you’re not getting that nipple stimulation that you would have otherwise and that will bring your fertility back sooner.
  • Pacifiers can reduce milk supply. Breastfeeding is a supply and demand process. The more you nurse, the more milk you’ll make. This is why whenever you’re experiencing a dip in supply, the best thing you can do is just try to nurse as often as possible. If you’re not nursing, your body isn’t being told to produce more milk. Especially if you use pacifiers to delay a nursing session, you are lowering your supply.
  • Pacifiers can hinder mouth development. The Academy of General Dentistry recognizes that pacifiers cause mouth development issues. The recommendation is that you stop pacifier use before age 2, where in which the development of the mouth will correct itself within 6 months. How many kids have you seen that are obviously over 2 and still use a pacifier? I can think of many that I’ve seen. The problem is, have you tried getting something that is adored away from a 1 year old? I can specifically remember a dog that absolutely hated my toddler being chased around the house no matter how much I tried to prevent it. They’re persistent little things. Then what does it do to them mentally if you take away their sole (assuming they weaned early because of the first point) source of sucking comfort?
  • Pacifiers have not been proven to help prevent SIDS. Pacifiers are always touted as the recommendation to prevent SIDS, but the AAP has specifically said that there is no causation, only correlation. Beyond that, they can cause the problems mentioned above (and more).
  • Pacifiers add complication to my simple life. I’ve joked around here that many of my parenting choices are made on the basis of laziness, but it’s more about simplicity. I don’t like to complicate things. Pacifiers are just one more thing to buy, clean, watch for recalls on, clean again because the baby dropped it, take away from the dog who thought it was hers, clean again, hand back to the fussing baby who dropped it again, and clean some more. Not to mention trying to get the kid to give up the thing when it’s no longer deemed suitable for use. I just don’t want to deal with that extra hassle when I can just stick my boob in their mouth and the baby will shut up.

There are many more reasons I could list here, but for me this was enough.

Side note: if someone wants to soothe the baby momentarily, a clean finger inserted into their mouth upside down will do the trick without all the hassle. Or, my preference, just give that baby back to their mama! 

And while I’ve got you on the topic of pacifiers, I must tell you my pet peeve about the association with a baby “using their mom as a pacifier.” This does not make sense. Breasts were around long before pacifiers, so how can you use the former like the latter? A pacifier is an imitation breast. Then, there is no such thing as “lazy sucking” at the breast. As stated above, breastfeeding is a supply and demand system. Even if you’re not in active letdown, the baby suckling is still sending your body the signal to make more. Maybe baby needs more milk so they are working to increase your supply. Maybe baby is just in need of some comfort. Why does mama equaling comfort have to be considered a bad thing? I am incredibly grateful that my children trust me enough to feel comfort and safety from me. Anyway, I’m off my soap box.

Sure, pacifiers are a convenience, but they don’t have to be a given. As with so many things that are seen as a given in parenting, there’s a choice. If you don’t want to give your babe a pacifier, you don’t have to. There are reasons to and reasons not to. Only you can decide if it’s worth it for you.

Pumping as a Stay at Home Mom

Most stay at home moms will end up leaving their baby with someone for one reason or another and need expressed milk for while they’re away. When Peanut was a baby, I was going to school in the evenings and leaving her with her dad. It was a horribly stressful time in my life and I remember being constantly worried if there would be enough milk for while I was gone. There were multiple times when I left her not knowing if I’d come home to a screaming, starving baby because I only left barely enough if that. It got to the point where I basically stopped attending my classes because I was so stressed out about leaving.

I read everything that was supposed to help me with pumping, but it seems like most tips are geared towards moms who pump more often. If you’re pumping while you’re at work for 8 hours a day, it’s different than when you’re pumping at home. There are obstacles in both situations for sure, but they’re very different obstacles.

Partially because of this stress I experienced last time, I’ve avoided leaving Twig with anyone for more than 45 minutes (and even that, only a handful of times). Though chances are we will end up needing expressed milk sometime in the near future, so I decided to start building up a store in my freezer. I’m surprised at how much easier it is this time, so much so that I decided to compile a list of the reasons why I think it’s easier in hopes of helping some of you out there who want to store a bit of milk.

5 Tips for Expressing Milk as a Stay at Home Mom

1. Start ridiculously early. I think that I started pumping a week or two before I was supposed to start school when Peanut was a baby. I figured I would just do it and get the milk and it wouldn’t be that difficult. For me, it was that difficult (hopefully these tips make it not so difficult for you!). If I would have had a head start, it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal to take some time figuring things out. Instead, I constantly stressed about getting milk, which in turn made it more difficult to get the milk. Vicious cycle. So, if you’re at all able, start a month or more before you’ll need to use any milk. Milk lasts a long time in the freezer, so don’t worry about it going bad. With our recent illness, I stopped pumping all together. It wasn’t a big deal for me to do that because I have plenty in the freezer and plenty of time to get even more.

2. Try before you buy. Don’t buy a pump just because your friend says it’s wonderful or even because it has great reviews on Amazon. What works for someone else won’t necessarily work for you, which is the reason why La Leche League doesn’t endorse any particular pump. Look for a breastfeeding store near you and see if they have a try before you buy type program. One that’s about an hour from my house will let you try as many pumps as you would like for $50. If you buy a pump, the fee is waived. You obviously have to throw out the milk you get, but it’s not like you need to do a full pumping session to decide if it’s working. I was amazed when I figured out that the pump that worked best for me was actually a hand pump, which I hadn’t even considered because everyone said it’s so annoying to have to pump it manually. Also consider hand expressing. I’ve heard many women say that hand expression works better for them than any pump.

3. Pump while you nurse. One of my problems when I was pumping for Peanut was that I could never get a real letdown. Letdown just means letdown, not letdown on the side that you’re currently nursing on. Those little round “Hey, I’m a nursing mom!” stains on your shirt can attest to this. Nursing while you’re pumping means that you pretty much can’t handle anything else, but really, it’s kind of nice to take a break from checking my phone and reading and all the other things I do while I’m nursing. Obviously if you’re gone from baby and need to express milk, you can’t pump while you nurse, but hopefully that’ll be easier too because you and your body are used to the pump when there’s the extra help.

4. If possible, do it daily. This won’t work for everyone’s schedule, but if you’re able, pump every day at the same time of day. Make it a time that you’re not to stressed out (e.g. an hour before dinner time is probably not the best time to relax and pump) and that you’ll be home most days. Breastfeeding is a supply-demand system, so your body will quickly figure out to produce more during that time of day. Driving home from Peanut’s preschool today, I realized that I really needed to nurse on both sides. That’s because my body is used to making lots of milk right after Twig’s morning nap, which is when I’ve been pumping.

5. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get much, especially in the beginning. First off, it will take your body a day or two to realize that you need more milk every day at that specific time, so if you don’t get much in the beginning, don’t worry. Also, never take how much milk you’re expressing as a sign of how much baby is getting. Babies are exponentially more efficient at getting the milk out that any pump, so they’re getting much more than you can get out. If you’re not getting as much as you’d like, just continue for a few minutes longer than when the milk stops. Even if you don’t get another letdown (there are multiple letdowns in each feeding, so it’s normal for the flow to pause or decrease and then start up again), you’ll be teaching your body that it needs to produce more. Again, supply and demand.

6. Try to get baby to top it off after you’re finished. Even if you only nurse on one side per session, this is a useful thing to do. As I said in the last tip, babies are more efficient at getting the milk out. So even if the pump can’t get any more out, your babe milk be able to. Again, this is teaching your body to make more milk, so maybe you’ll be able to get out more next time. If your nursling doesn’t feel like nursing more, don’t worry about it.

It’s important to note that milk expression can be so different for everyone that this is far from an inclusive list. These are just some things that have helped me and I’m hoping could help you. If you’re having troubles with pumping, keep trying new things until you figure out a system that works for you.

Can Breast Milk Cure AIDS?

There is a long standing debate on whether a mom who has HIV or AIDS should breastfeed. My gut reaction is that if there’s even a small risk of passing a life-threatening disease onto my baby, why would I breastfeed? But it’s not as simple as that.

In many countries where HIV is prevalent, breastfeeding is also vital. The benefits that breastfeeding gives a baby against illness can be life-saving, not to mention the fact that clean water is scarce, so formula can easily cause disease itself. It’s a decision that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

But a new study shows that not only can a baby not contract HIV through breast milk, but breast milk kills HIV.

This doesn’t mean that a baby absolutely can’t get HIV from breastfeeding. There are documented cases of babies having the same virus as their mothers. So while a baby won’t HIV through breast milk, they could get it through other bodily fluids, cracked and bleeding nipples come to mind.

Hopefully this new information will not only give HIV-positive mothers the confidence that breastfeeding their baby, if done with caution, will not spread the illness, but maybe one day it will help us develop a cure for AIDS. It amazes me, not only the things that are in breast milk, but the fact that we are still discovering so much. It is impossible to make a substitute to such a wonderful liquid that we have yet to discover all of its ingredients or potential. Breast milk really is liquid gold.

Leading Lady Nursing Bra Review

Style 408

The bra I chose (style 408).

Throughout the almost 3 years that I was nursing Peanut by herself, I only really wore nursing tank tops. Shortly after she was born, I went to a local breastfeeding store and bought a nursing bra that fit perfectly, but even though the fit was right, it was still wrong for me. It was a really cliche nursing bra. No padding, no wire, covering more than a swimsuit does. It just felt so boring and, honestly, felt almost like I wasn’t wearing a bra at all when I wore it. The nursing tanks at least held me in, so I started wearing just the nursing tank tops.

Then when Peanut got to the age where she wasn’t nursing as often (somewhere over a year old), I went out and bought a normal-for-me bra again and loved it. It was a hassle to move for nursing and it wasn’t very comfortable, but it was pretty, which I liked. Even though no one sees them, pretty under-things can do a lot for one’s self esteem and confidence. Definitely not a bra I’d like to deal with when I had a small baby who wanted to eat really frequently (plus who wants to add any extra stress or pain when you have a wee one?), so I figured I’d go back to just the nursing tanks when Twig was born.

Style 4044

Then Leading Lady came to me asking if I’d like to do a bra review. I looked at the bras and they were all very pretty. That’s means they have to be uncomfortable, right? Or maybe since they’re nursing bras, that means they won’t give me any support? I was conflicted, to say the least. I decided that I would try it out since it would be really nice to feel pretty and be functional as their claims suggested I would, but I didn’t have very high hopes.

Oh boy, am I happy to say I was wrong!

First off, their customer service is superb. I was really concerned about ordering a bra off the internet. How would I figure out what size to buy? How would I know which style I liked? Just how could this possibly work?!?

Turns out they have a really easy sizing system. Just two quick measurements (and a picture to show you exactly where to measure, which has always been my problem with buying clothes online) and it pops out a size for you. You can even print a tape measurer!

Style 5048

Then there’s a variety of bras to choose from, based on activity. Do you want a comfy bra for while you’re at home? Possibly one for the gym? Do you have problems with plugged ducts, therefore you won’t want an underwire? Their site is divided easily into the purpose for the bra, so there’s no fiddling through hundreds of bras trying to figure out exactly which one you want. I chose style 408 from the underwire collection.

It’s so pretty! It’s so functional! It’s fantastic! I think I’m happier with this bra than I’ve been with any of my non-nursing bras I’ve ever worn. Seriously. I feel beautiful with this on under my clothes and it’s so quick and easy to undo. Even tandem nursing, it’s fantastic. So easy to unclip and it tucks entirely out of the way, which is great because Twig doesn’t like anything touching her face while she nurses. I still haven’t figured out what to do to cover my belly if I pull up my shirt to nurse, but I either wear a tank top over it still, which is a nice combination, or I wear a shirt that I can pull the top down to nurse.

I honestly love this bra so much that I’m planning on ordering another (on my own dime!). They have a lovely new Spring Collection that was just released in March and I’m loving some of the new additions. Look at that super cute nursing tank above and on the right. I think I could wear that as a shirt all by itself! Possibly with a cardigan over it in the winter? Or this super cute bra on the left, which is darling in pink, but will be available in white in the very near future. Cute and comfy!

I may just take advantage of their Father’s Day lace bra sale! You should too! Thinking a bra is a really peculiar Father’s Day gift? Well what better way to show dad you love him than with a new lacy bra? I’m sure my husband would enjoy that! The sale starts June 14th, but you can start getting your $5 off lace bras today with the code LACE5.

When Self Weaning Becomes Self-righteous

Peanut tandem nursing her pocket monsters.

The other night when I was lying with the girls in bed as they fell asleep, I decided to check Facebook on my phone. This is pretty normal for me. Another common activity is answering questions on Facebook. Other bloggers often re-post questions they’ve been asked on their wall. It’s like an online La Leche League meeting and it’s lovely.

So this is what I did that night. A breastfeeding blogger who I used to love reading, but has since quit blogging (and I was very sad to see her go!), still keeps her Facebook page active. She frequently re-posts questions and this night, had re-posted this:

From the wall: Best way to wean a 1-year old.. Please help?

I clicked on it thinking I might find some answers that I can apply to our weaning situation. Sadly, some of the responses were pretty judgmental and not helpful at all. Multiple mamas responded something along the lines to “I don’t know because I do child-led weaning.”  No advice, links, references, or anything else that could help her. Just a holier-than-thou attitude.

They don’t know this mother’s situation. Maybe she is agonizing over weaning. Maybe she’s about to start chemo or has another medical reason. Maybe she’s pregnant and can’t stand it anymore. Maybe she just doesn’t want to nurse anymore. That’s okay. Both sides need to be happy in the relationship. Why does this have to become another dividing issue? Why is a mother not good enough for nudging weaning along? Why must mothering be all about self-sacrifice and never taking your own feelings into consideration?

If that mother doesn’t want to wean, but feels pressure from her family and friends, address that. If she thinks she has to wean because of a medicine she needs when there’s a breastfeeding-friendly alternative, inform her. If she’s weaning because of the problems she’s having with nursing, help her. But don’t give her more guilt to deal with. Don’t force your opinions on her. Don’t try to show her how much of a better mother you are than her because you’ll nurse until the end of eternity.

All mothers should know that it’s an option to let their child wean on their own. It’s a wonderful option at that. In our society, where so many lies about breastfeeding are circulating around posing as truths, mothers may not know. It’s okay to inform her. If she decides not to though, respect her choice. Don’t guilt her into breastfeeding longer. Don’t try to show that you’re a better mom than her. Just let her make the decision that is the best for her family.

Leave the self-righteous attitude at the door and learn to help your fellow mom.

Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning – Your Stories

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

Gentle weaning means knowing when to stop… weaning.

Recently I wrote about my attempt to help Peanut wean a bit more quickly. I just feel done. Not angry or frustrated (as I did directly after Twig was born), just done.

So, even though I am a big proponent of child-led weaning, I decided to push things along a little. I tried counting, singing, delaying (though really I’ve been doing that for a while because she often asks to nurse at really inconvenient times), rules (e.g. we only nurse in this chair), and so on. Things I’ve considered to be “gentle” weaning techniques. Things that, apparently, aren’t so gentle for Peanut.

Tears. Increased irritability. Increased clingy-ness. Anger. Begging me not to count or sing. And more tears.

My 3 year old isn’t ready to wean.

Many people would tell me to just do it anyway. She’s 3, she can handle it. No. She’s manipulating you. No. She’s too old to continue nursing. No.

She’s not ready and I respect that. Even if I feel done, she’s not, and that’s okay. She’s still so young in the scheme of life. Over the last few months, her world has been turned upside-down. Why would I forcefully take away something that comforts her so much right when she needs it the most? Why would I purposely hurt my child?

One day, my oldest will cease to nurse. Until then, I plan on trying my hardest to savor every minute of this special time in our relationship. We will never get this back. One day I will miss it. One day, someday sooner than I can imagine, she’ll be grown and gone and I’ll miss the ability that I have now to cuddle her in my lap while I nourish and comfort her.

Gentle weaning means listening to your child. Gentle weaning means taking their feelings into account. Gentle weaning means knowing the difference between being ready and not.



Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

Steps Towards Weaning

Peanut nursing when she was 4 months old.

I’m officially there. I’m weaning.

Well, more like I’m nudging her towards officially quitting breastfeeding. Technically, you start weaning the day you introduce something besides the breast. Even for exclusively breastfed babies, this starts early. It can be when you introduce a pacifier (which has been shown to decrease the overall breastfeeding relationship) or when you give them their first foods. For us, this started over 2.5 years ago when she had that first meal of apricots and bacon. Then, for us, it moved onto what they call “Don’t ask, don’t refuse” when she was over a year old. As she got older, it moved into refusing when I was busy. Then I started refusing more when we were out and about, which is pretty much the same idea. Just too busy and moving around to stop and nurse. Plus it was more difficult to nurse her in a carrier as we used to do.

Peanut nursing at 8 months.

We stayed there for a long time. She rarely asked outside of nap time, bedtime, and morning. During my pregnancy there was sensitivity, but nothing unbearable. I expected the uncomfortable nursing to get better when Twig was born, but it didn’t. It’s getting better now, but I think the contrast from a baby nursing to a toddler nursing that I experience every day will make Peanut’s nursing never truly comfortable for me again.

Then, of course, since Twig was born, Peanut has been asking to nurse much more frequently. In the beginning it was more often than Twig wanted to nurse. Now she’s to the point of asking a few times a day. All in all, things are getting better. The problem is, for me, that it doesn’t seem like it’s enough.

Nursing I love yous at 15 months.

I feel frustrated every time Peanut nurses. I feel frustrated every time she asks and I tell her no (though generally in nicer terms and attempts to avoid actually saying no). I get even more frustrated when she asks Over. And Over. And Over. even when I have a valid reason why we can’t nurse (e.g. we’re driving in the car). I feel like nursing is putting a strain on our relationship.

Spiderman nursing at 26 months.

So we’re working on weaning. I never thought I’d say that. I’ve always been a firm believer in child-led weaning, but I need to take my own advice and realize that this is a relationship and both sides need to be happy for it to continue. Someone in La Leche League the other day told me that breastfeeding is the first place where your child learns limits and boundaries. It is important that she learns that, right? My feelings count too, right? I have to keep telling myself these things. Eventually they’ll stick.

Obviously, I feel a bit of guilt.

I know that Peanut probably isn’t ready to wean. I don’t think she’s young enough that it’s going to be traumatizing for her, but I do know her well enough to know that it will need to be really gentle. I’ve kept this in mind while looking at ways to help along weaning. For instance, some moms do a “weaning day” where it’s the last day that the child nurses, but I don’t think would work for her because it would be too sudden. If I left her for a weekend and expected her to wean during that period, I honestly think it would be traumatizing for her.

Getting kicked in the face by sister at 35 months.

I think Peanut’s weaning process will need a lot of yeses. So right now, what we’re doing is counting to ten while she nurses. I’ve heard of moms doing this during pregnancy because of the pain. I can count as fast or slow as I’d like, so that determines how long she gets to nurse. She’s already asking me not to count, but I tell her that she’s a big girl and big girls get to count while they’re nursing. I’m trying to act like it’s something fun. I’m also saying yes whenever I can, even if it’s not a super convenient time to nurse. We’re also trying to eliminate her nap time (there will be a post about that in the near future) and that’s a big time that she used to nurse. It was the only way she’d get to sleep for nap. Bedtime and morning time aren’t nearly so vital.

This is what we’re trying for now. Just like everything in parenting, we may change things if they stop working. New ideas are very welcome too.

Did you wean your older nursling? Are you happy you did? How did you do it to make it gentle? Has anyone weaned an older nursling while tandem nursing?

The Importance of the Virgin Gut

Peanut getting a poke test done for allergies. One huge red spot is the test spot, the other is for Peanuts.

I didn’t hear about the concept of the virgin gut until Peanut was a few months old. At the time, I dismissed it as a “holier than thou” ideal. By then, Peanut had already had something other than breast milk. Actually, by the time she was a day old, she had already had something other than breast milk.

We transferred with Peanut to the hospital after her accidental home birth. We had trusted our midwife to help us decide whether or not the vitamin K shot would be necessary, but since we didn’t go to the same hospital, our midwives weren’t there. Honestly, they may have recommended it anyway given the length of labor and the position of Peanut during most of it. I’m not sure. Regardless, she was given the vitamin K shot when we transferred to the hospital. I honestly don’t even remember it happening, but (obviously without a medical degree or anything that gives me valid proof) I’m sure that it’s the reason for what happened next.

They tested Peanut’s blood, without my consent I may add, and told me that her blood was “too thick.” They said that I needed to give her Pedialyte to counteract this and that they’d test it again in a few hours. I knew the risks of nipple confusion, so I made sure we wouldn’t do it in a bottle. That’s all I knew to do. I felt totally lost and confused. I felt like they were working against me and my gut told me not to do it, but I did it anyway. Her blood was fine at the next test even with the fact that I’m certain she spit up most of what I gave her in the syringe. This made me wonder if it was even necessary.

So when I was introduced to the concept of the virgin gut, the feelings of betrayal from the hospital staff convincing me to give Pedialyte to my baby were still raw. I felt offended at the idea of my child not having a virgin gut. Like they were trying to say something was wrong with her. Like I had done that thing wrong.

It wasn’t until later that I really looked at the idea of the virgin gut.

There is a reason for the virgin gut, especially within the first few weeks. When a baby is born, their gut is sterile. Babies given supplementation develop different gut flora. Even one bottle changes the flora and, if given in the first week of life, the flora may not ever reach the pH that it would have been otherwise. The pH level of the gut is one of the methods the body uses to fight bad bacteria, then the formula itself often introduces bad bacteria.

Even beyond the first weeks, it’s best to delay introducing anything besides breast milk for the first 6 months, if not longer. Not the first 4-6 months, as baby food labels and possibly even your pediatrician may tell you. Between 4 and 6 months, a baby’s gut will “close.”  The “open” gut of a baby allows larger molecules to pass through the intestine, straight into the blood stream. This is so that the antibodies from the mother’s breast milk are able to get to the baby’s bloodstream straight away, which is a great thing. If formula or other foods are introduced to the baby before it’s fully closed, it becomes a very bad thing. This allows pathogens to get straight to your baby, along with large molecules from the food. What’s the problem with food molecules in the bloodstream? Allergies.

I remember being thoroughly unalarmed by the idea of allergies when Peanut was a baby. We had very few allergies in our family and none were life threatening, so I figured her risk of developing them was pretty low. Then I had a child with a life-threatening food allergy. I kept myself awake at night worrying about someone giving her food without knowing or a label being wrong. I lived in fear of having to use the Epi-pen that we carried with us 24 hours a day and even bigger fear of not having it when we needed it. I still well up at the thought of her allergy and I am beyond grateful that she outgrew it. Now though, I wonder if we would have dealt with it at all if she would have had a virgin gut. May we would have, but I’ll forever wonder if those few little supplements of Pedialyte in the hospital gave us 6 months of hell.

Of course there are situations where a baby just can’t have a virgin gut. A friend of mine almost died during birth and was in a coma for weeks afterwards. During that time, her newborn daughter was obviously given formula. Afterwards, she was able to exclusively breastfeed. Really, an amazing accomplishment. For her daughter though, that formula allowed her to live when her mother couldn’t give her milk. There are many medical reasons for a baby needing something other than their mother’s milk. Even if your baby has been given formula or other food (beyond the first week), the gut can restore itself to the correct pH with exclusive breast milk for a couple of weeks.

So how important is the virgin gut? It depends. Only you can decide if it’s something important to you. If there is a medical necessity for your baby to receive formula or medication, then that can outweigh the risks of a non-virgin gut. Maybe though, if you’re just thinking of supplementing with formula while you go on a date, you can pump instead. Or maybe if you’re already giving your baby formula or other food regularly, you might decide restore your baby’s virgin gut status by going back to breast milk only. Maybe even if there’s not a medical reason, you still aren’t worried about a non-virgin gut.

This, along with all the other things I mention on this blog, are individual choices. I use this space to inform people of the decisions I’ve made. Often it’s because I think I may have made a different decision, or in this case, have made a different decision in the past, without this information. I hope that even if you don’t decide to do the things on this blog that it helps you to make educated decisions. Every one of you will make the decision that’s best for your family and your circumstances, just as I’ve made the decision that’s best for mine.